In honor of Paramount dropping Scream VI on Blu-ray and DVD last week, please enjoy this edition of Movies with My Dad!
Even though he's not a scary movie fan, I took my dad to see Scream VI in theaters. I am a relatively new member of the Scream fandom myself—before Scream (2022) came out last year, I binged the first four entries to the franchise and had fun! I had less fun watching Scream (2022), but I think the young cast is a blast.
Without further ado, here are our thoughts on Scream VI. (Please do not read on if you don't want spoilers!)
Tina: Okay, so this was your first experience with the Scream franchise. Did you comprehend what was going on?
Dad: First off, why are you being so damn calm? This movie just sucked.
(gasp) I kinda liked it!
Oh my gosh! What is wrong with your generation? Right off the bat, this is not a scary movie. There’s no artistry whatsoever. There’s no intensity, there’s no…I wasn’t scared once. Not even a little bit.
Okay, it’s not about scary. It’s about figuring out who the killer is. It’s like a fun game.
Uh, I think that would be in the five films worth of backstory that you adamantly declined to hear about on the car ride over.
Thank goodness, because this was just a waste. (shudders in disgust)
Your boy Jack Quaid is why everyone’s murdering in this one.
I do like him.
So you should watch Scream 5.
No, I’m not watching any more of these. Never. What was good about it, and why does Courtney Cox’s hair look so bad? Sorry, Courtney!
If you think that’s bad, you should see her bangs in Scream 3. They’re horrendous.
Alright, what do you think?
I thought it was fun. I like Jenna Ortega a lot. The twins, too.
No, what’d you like about the movie? Not the characters.
Yeah, the characters are fun. That’s what I’m here for. I’m here for them being stuck in this perpetual cycle of hell.
Well, they don’t die, evidently. How many stab wounds can you get and be like, oh, I’m fine!?
Here’s what you don’t understand from the first five movies. We have a core four now instead of the original core three. There’s Dewey—Courtney Cox’s boyfriend who died—Courtney Cox, and Sidney, who they kept referencing. Sidney was the heroine of all of them.
I’m lost already. Courtney Cox had a boyfriend?
Oh, is that Quaid?
…No. Quaid is a child, Courtney Cox is an adult.
Oh, boyfriend, not son. Yeah, okay, fair enough.
I try valiantly to explain to him the backstory, but he continues to interrupt and question whether or not any of this information is relevant to him. He doesn’t think he needs to know anything that happened in the past five movies and that he should just be able to watch the sixth(!) film in a franchise and fully understand what’s happening.
Even if I didn’t understand anything about it, it should be an engaging movie. I’m sure it would be more rich, but it’s like if I threw you in the middle of Star Trek…
There was just no story!
People kept getting murdered. What do you mean there was no story?
Not even interestingly! And how many different times do they have to say, “Hey!” before they shoot the guy? The guy just finished stabbing ten people in the damn bodega, just take the shotgun and shoot him. Don’t say, “Hey!” so he can come at you!
Okay, so I will say this was more dramatic than previous Screams.
What do you mean by more dramatic? The other ones are even less interesting?!
These are fighting words. No, the other ones are a little campier and goofier.
(prolonged silence)...Okay? You got more? That’s it?
I didn’t like that Sidney didn’t come back in this one, but you don’t know who Sidney is, so none of this matters. I wanted her to come in at the end and save the day. But she didn’t come back even though she was the star of all the other ones because Paramount wouldn’t pay her enough. Thoughts on that?
Does she have another job?
(laughs) That’s so disrespectful.
Is this what horror movies are like nowadays?
In what regard?
I mean, I haven’t watched horror movies in over twenty-something years. I didn’t like them in my twenties. They would make me feel uncomfortable.
Like which ones?
We then spend a solid thirty seconds trying to properly pronounce Amityville Horror. I’m not sure if either of us actually says it correctly.
Or maybe it was Halloween?
What town does Halloween take place?
Haddonfield, Illinois, but filmed in Pasadena.
So, Amityville was on Long Island?
Did it scare you because it was closer to where you lived?
Uh, well, maybe I don’t remember that one. I don’t know. I saw something in college and was just like y’know what, I don’t need this.
So, this was actually a film about fathers. Your thoughts?
(very long silence) I…didn’t sense that it was a film about fathers. Sorry. Oh, the cop and his daughter…
All of his children are murderers.
(he repeats it thoughtfully) All of his children are murderers…
Despite claiming he wanted no backstory, he asked me about Sam’s connection to Billy Loomis. He even had the audacity to ask if the first Scream was good even though, mere minutes ago, he wanted nothing to do with the previous installments. I explain to him the set-up of the opening scene and the importance of the “What’s your favorite scary movie phone call.” It rings a vague bell like he might’ve seen a parody of the original Drew Barrymore scene.
So why doesn’t Drew Barry come back in these ones?
Because she got murdered.
That doesn’t seem to stop people.
She got murdered murdered. Like actually murdered.
That one kid was sliced up in the tub, and she was fine.
The daughter of the cop?! Who was part of the Ghostface trio?
Sure, but how do you know Drew Barrymore wasn’t part of the murder scheme?
Because things were simple back then. There were no Ghostface killers who were basing their legacy off of other Ghostface killers.
You know, here’s my ultimate review: if I had a remote, I would’ve turned the damn thing off. This will be completely forgotten by morning.
That happens with movies you like, too. You were the only one who liked The Fabelmans, and you forgot about it.
As we get closer to home, my dad returns to the idea of whether or not he needed the five films of backstory to find this enjoyable. I was proud of myself for guessing two of the three killers, and he’s upset that he didn’t know this was part of the experience. Something he could have known had he let me tell him on the car ride to the theatre.
Backstory should enhance a movie; it shouldn’t be required.
When you’re on the sixth movie of the franchise?
(incredulously) No! Sorry, you never watched any of the Bond movies, and we walked into that one…which one did you love?
I’ve seen every single Bond movie.
You have not.
Of the Daniel Craig ones? Yes, I have. You don’t need to see the originals.
Yes, you do! You have to understand who Moneypenny is, who Q is.
But you know who Moneypenny and Q are from the other Daniel Craig ones.
He was so fired up about his Bond take that he tried to drop me off at the wrong house.
You can’t walk into the last movie of the Daniel Craig Bonds if you haven’t seen any other Bond movie. You wouldn’t get it.
You’d miss the fact that his wife was murdered, but that’s it.
What about his girlfriend?
(quietly) What girlfriend?
I don’t know which movie we’re talking about.
The last of the Daniel Craig Bond movies.
Yeah…what was it about?
Whatever. The point is, I’m not gonna watch the other ones. Scream, Stab, no thank you.
Dad: a dull 0.5/5